I don’t know why this event feels like a turning point in my life. Nothing out of the ordinary even happened. As far as I could tell this show was pretty much on level with how the rest of this tour has been. But it was special, wasn’t it, to see my favorite musician, whose form my God husband takes in my dreams? Or was it weird? It felt like a door opening. I don’t know what’s on the other side of the doorway, or even whether I’ve passed through it yet. Since the concert I’ve been rapidly spiraling upward into a new hypomanic episode, so I’m probably not going to understand “what happened” for another week.
Why did this day mark a milestone? Maybe it’s the brand new pro-level espresso machine Sephie asked me to buy for her, which arrived the day before the concert. Maybe it’s the Sun having been directly opposite Chiron for the duration of Jacob’s performance. Maybe it’s the culmination of the Rave Quarter. Maybe it’s Samhain, the Otherworld rolling in this early dawn as the Sun has just now moved into the 0 degree of Scorpio. Maybe it’s the year and a quarter I’ve spent booking tickets to this man’s concerts and having fate intervene with my desire to show up.
This time I didn’t have to travel to make it to the venue; the concert took place twenty minutes’ drive from my house. That ruled out previous complications like flights (July ‘25, canceled by a severe thunderstorm) or road trips (October ‘25, I had a hypomanic episode and couldn’t drive). Honestly, I even took a ride share on the night of the show instead of parking at the venue; I wanted to take stress off my own plate. I arrived an hour before the concert began and just sat in the concert hall looking around and relaxing. I’m certain it was the earliest I have ever been for anything.
I knew in an Oracle way (and also because it was obvious) that Jacob was going to play Carolina In My Mind; how could he not, having covered another of James Taylor’s songs on the album he was touring for? He opened the show with it and I could have cried if Pluto hadn’t been there to take the spill. My solar plexus flared out. Time came full circle. I haven’t gotten to be there for the fulfillment of a prophecy before so that was a new level of self-understanding. I hope I will start getting more prophecies that relate to my own life and fewer for other people, because that was actually kind of fun.
Being part of an audience choir was a dream come true in a small way, but in truth I felt disappointed in the low effort of the people around me. It was clear that a fair portion of the audience were there because they’re regular patrons of the venue, and not because they were fans of Jacob’s in particular. Plenty of people didn’t seem to understand what was going on. The American South is also a famously not-going-to-try-hard kind of location, and the audience was full of older white patrons who did not appear to be very musical in nature. So naturally I expected this outcome all along. It just made me wish I’d gotten to see him in Nashville or New York, where I like to imagine people doing a better job, even though this may just be my Cross of Eden feeling the burden of common humanity again.
I’ve always said that Jacob’s full power cannot be captured properly in recording; we need the live sacral response to understand him clearly. It was just as incredible to behold him at work as I always knew it would be. He is a master of his craft, and a conduit of something greater than himself. I loved watching him use his whole body as an instrument, demonstrating his expertise through casual play that he’s turned into a profession. The full range of power of his voice moved me.
Frankly it was also a relief to get to see that at times even he was a little bit socially awkward. I learned so much just from watching him take time to process the moment before making decisions, and watching him decide to stop in the middle of ideas that weren’t working.
I don’t know when I’ll get another chance to see Jacob play live. It was unlikely enough that he even came here once; who would expect someone like him to play in a dinky town like this? Maybe my perspective is out of whack. Maybe I’m blessed with undue luck. Maybe my life is actually perfect and I’m fated to be happy? Dare I begin to feel this way? Could I have everything I dream of and more?
